3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
