I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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