you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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