these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
