Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
