listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
