I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize