First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
