Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
