Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
