someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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