maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
