he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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