just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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