I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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