Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Two words: nipple clamps
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