I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
