i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize