I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
