Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
