Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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