why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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