Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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