Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
