i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
