We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
