It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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