I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I believe in your delicious
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
