Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
birth control should be required to get into college
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The air was thick with penises
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
