I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
