fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
