she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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