she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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