I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
