If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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