I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize