Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
