Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
