I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
