census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
