you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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