Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
