I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
