Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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