i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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