It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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