U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
