when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
