I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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