Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
