no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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