I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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