His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
