i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
