I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
