I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
