No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
