I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize