how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
