So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
