My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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