You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
