the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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