how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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