he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
