I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
