I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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