Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
