Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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