Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
