I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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