Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
