$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize