It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
